It’s not until life has thrown you a curve ball that one appreciates how a normal question like, ‘so, are you trying for a baby?’ can actually be insensitive and rude
Since being part of FayAndrea we have photographed many newborns all with their own unique stories, and the general parental consensus is that conceiving a human being isn’t as easy as sex education back in the day would have made you believe. For some LUCKY couples one night of passion is all it takes for a pair of teeny feet to arrive nine months later, but for many more, countless nights of passion followed by a disappointing, and a seemingly more painful period at the end of each month is closer to the truth. Whilst many assume the irregularity of conceiving must be due to stress, poor diet or reproductive issues, there are many couples desperately following every step in the ‘How-To-Conceive’ manual scoring top marks in each category, except the actual end goal, and understandably they question, ‘Where’s the justice?’
My heart breaks every time I hear of couples struggling to have children, particularly when they blame themselves. One lady I spoke to recently told me she knows it is her fault she hasn’t fallen pregnant yet because her family say, she drinks too much coffee. It resurrected feelings of when a ‘friend’ told me I wasn’t going to fall for a baby any time soon as I’m always stressed with work. I remember feeling totally devastated, and assumed she knew best since it had only taken her two months to fall. On reflection I should have told this ‘friend’ the same as I advised the lovely lady with her ‘coffee issues’ to tell her family… It starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘Off’.
Something I have learned is never to judge others based on how you think life should pan out. It’s natural, of course, to ask if someone has children, are in a relationship, and so on, but consider it just as natural to leave the conversation there. Little are you to know the person you’re questioning about the whys and wherefores of their personal business may have had a history of miscarriages, or single for years and becoming desperate to find love, likewise they may be undergoing fertility treatment and anxious to their stomach about the outcome, or suffered post-natal depression to the point they fear conceiving the sibling they ‘just have to give’ their only child. On the other hand, children and relationships may be the furthest thing from their mind; they may not want either but are fed-up with the raised eyebrows they receive simply because their choice isn’t correlative with the status quo.
[This blog title] ‘What Time Do You Make It?’ is relative to our personal life clocks and the fact they each tick at a different speed. With every year that passes, life gets busier and time moves faster, and with this fast-paced way of living we tend to either want everything quicker or get so lost in the moment that suddenly ten years have passed, and you’re nowhere near to completing everything you assumed by now you would have. But I’ve learned that life pans out as it’s meant to, W H E N it’s supposed to. We can help to create our own destinies but for some things, such as trying for children, we can only do so much. That said, I will never give the worst advice to someone trying to conceive, ‘just relax and it will happen.’ How can you relax when your biological clock has ticked and all you can think about is having your own bundle? My advice is to keep focused and positive that it W I L L happen, even in moments when you feel like giving up. Remember, you’re not making a cup of tea here, we’re talking about creating a new human- a miracle.
Meanwhile, please be mindful we are all fighting our own battles and questioning someone’s motives on their life choices can make far more impact then you realise. Just stay blessed for what Y O U have and focused on what you H O P E will come of your journey.
© Words by Fay L. Hill, http://www.fayandrea.co.uk